1. Target Practice: A target from a shooting range. This one depicts a figure wearing a tall hat of some sort. There's a bullet hole through the head.
2. Flannel: It's a blue flannel! How comfy and warm!
3. Fidella: It's... a horse? Congratulations, you have a draft horse now. Hopefully, you have a good supply of apples and a place for her to stretch.
4. Gorgeous Breastplate: A thin golden breastplate. It's made of real metal, but seems to fasten onto the body with glittery pink ribbons
5. Old Deuteronomy: A cream-colored cat plush. It has a disturbingly human-looking face and hands. The tag around it's neck says "Old Deuteronomy".
6. Stabbing Knife: A knife that's perfect for stabbing someone! Except...the blade is dull, and retracts back into the handle when pressed upon. Maybe you can fake a stabbing.
7. Crystals: You've found your frequency! These pretty violet crystals speak to you. What do they say? "Buy more crystals."
8. Krabby Patty: ~The Krusty Krab: Come Spend Your Money Here~!
9. Black Hat: A pointed black hat. It's really sharp - and you know what they say. Black is this year's pink!
10. Corn: A raw ear of corn. Shuck it!
11. Bud Light Straw-ber-ita: It’s a margarita in a can! Made from bud-lite. Not super tasty, but it’s got an 8% alcohol content. A favorite of underage drinkers.
12. Fish: It's a dead fish.
13. The Whole Being Clothed Thing: A long coat with vertical black-and-white stripes! It's covered in moss and smells kinda grody.
14. Harmonica: A silver harmonica.
15. Hot Pocket: A Limited Edition Jean Valjean Memorial Flavor hot pocket! It's fresh out of the microwave, but it will not burn your mouth because it believes in mercy and forgiveness. Apparently the memorial flavor is pepperoni.
16. Dinosaur Suit: A full-body set of dinosaur pajamas made of the cheapest possible green velvet. It might have lice but when you take it off you miss it and feel a need to put it back on. [DISCLAIMER: Pajamas do not actually contain lice.]
17. Cologne: A fine French cologne with an irresistible, masculine scent.
18. Hair Gel: A tin of hair gel. Use it to keep that 'do looking good!
19. Don Juan Triumphant: The book and music to a show called "Don Juan Triumphant".
20. Fun Home Flyer: An advertisement for the Bechdel Funeral Home. You think that's where your friends' bodies went?
21. Black Opera Gloves: A pair of long satin gloves that are perfect for a night out at the opera! These ones are black, like your soul.
22. Gershwin Groundhogs Mascot Suit: A mascot suit for those of you who have always wondered what it's like to predict the weather. It's old, a bit musty and threadbare in a few places but comes with a full body suit and mascot head. One size fits all.
CONGRATULATIONS
2. Flannel: It's a blue flannel! How comfy and warm!
3. Fidella: It's... a horse? Congratulations, you have a draft horse now. Hopefully, you have a good supply of apples and a place for her to stretch.
4. Gorgeous Breastplate: A thin golden breastplate. It's made of real metal, but seems to fasten onto the body with glittery pink ribbons
5. Old Deuteronomy: A cream-colored cat plush. It has a disturbingly human-looking face and hands. The tag around it's neck says "Old Deuteronomy".
6. Stabbing Knife: A knife that's perfect for stabbing someone! Except...the blade is dull, and retracts back into the handle when pressed upon. Maybe you can fake a stabbing.
7. Crystals: You've found your frequency! These pretty violet crystals speak to you. What do they say? "Buy more crystals."
8. Krabby Patty: ~The Krusty Krab: Come Spend Your Money Here~!
9. Black Hat: A pointed black hat. It's really sharp - and you know what they say. Black is this year's pink!
10. Corn: A raw ear of corn. Shuck it!
11. Bud Light Straw-ber-ita: It’s a margarita in a can! Made from bud-lite. Not super tasty, but it’s got an 8% alcohol content. A favorite of underage drinkers.
12. Fish: It's a dead fish.
13. The Whole Being Clothed Thing: A long coat with vertical black-and-white stripes! It's covered in moss and smells kinda grody.
14. Harmonica: A silver harmonica.
15. Hot Pocket: A Limited Edition Jean Valjean Memorial Flavor hot pocket! It's fresh out of the microwave, but it will not burn your mouth because it believes in mercy and forgiveness. Apparently the memorial flavor is pepperoni.
16. Dinosaur Suit: A full-body set of dinosaur pajamas made of the cheapest possible green velvet. It might have lice but when you take it off you miss it and feel a need to put it back on. [DISCLAIMER: Pajamas do not actually contain lice.]
17. Cologne: A fine French cologne with an irresistible, masculine scent.
18. Hair Gel: A tin of hair gel. Use it to keep that 'do looking good!
19. Don Juan Triumphant: The book and music to a show called "Don Juan Triumphant".
20. Fun Home Flyer: An advertisement for the Bechdel Funeral Home. You think that's where your friends' bodies went?
21. Black Opera Gloves: A pair of long satin gloves that are perfect for a night out at the opera! These ones are black, like your soul.
22. Gershwin Groundhogs Mascot Suit: A mascot suit for those of you who have always wondered what it's like to predict the weather. It's old, a bit musty and threadbare in a few places but comes with a full body suit and mascot head. One size fits all.